There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
