you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize