so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
