I can tuck mytits in my pants
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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