I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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