I can tuck mytits in my pants
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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