We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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