we have pet lesbian snakes
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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