Why are handjobs necessary in class?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
