what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
