Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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