haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
