The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
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I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Oh god it's open bar.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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