if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
