The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you have to choose: penises or morals?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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