I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
