i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I think my vagina is haunted
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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