Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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