Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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