bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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