I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
