I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
