you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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