Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
