yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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