The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
