3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
