I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
