I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
