toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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