Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
