How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
