3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
