Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize