I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
