so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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