I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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