The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize