she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
