Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
