matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers