If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.