help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
This girl is more easily done than said...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
