I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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