Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If I die, sorry about rent.
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