did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
