the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
