She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
