I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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