I'm gonna have a badass scar
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
