I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
