i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
