My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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