She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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