My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
