yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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