a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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