happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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