I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize