she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
