matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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