did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
