Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize